Every few days or so I like to stop my husband’s heart—for just a sec, you know, to see if he is listening. And all it takes are select few words, usually spewed out casually in a dinnertime conversation.
"Honey, do you think we should have another baby?”
Poor guy. At first a half smile appears.
“You’re joking, right?”
He thinks this must be it, this is the time I’ve got him by his jingle bells…thinking, oh god, could she actually be serious?
“No, I’m not joking. How ‘bout we have another baby?”
“Honnneeey, really???” The smile disappears.
In an effort to get blood back to his head, I dart a cheeky grin in his direction.
“I’m just kidding honey!” He begins to breath again, slowly. “Really?”
I say, “ Yeah. I’m too old to have a baby!”
Now, ladies, I know this is not true. Some of the best ladies of the fab fortys, Antique Mommy, It Could’ve Been Worse and Rhonda, are quick to prove otherwise. In fact, I think I’m well, bodily and otherwise, able to produce another one of life’s joys, it is just that I’m too selfish.
And doesn’t it always sounds better when a decision appears out of your control like with age versus a simple preference for sleep and the ability to get up and go at a moment’s notice without nappies, bottles, whining, and car seats? You know, minus the whole dependency gig that comes with infants.
However, if such exaggeration provides DH with a little assurance that I’m serious, all is good. Even if it is a pile of malarkey.
The morning after my usual trickery at the dinner table, Cutiepie woke up in a crankier mood than usual. She whined and sobbed and clung to me.
Assuming she just had wake-up blues, I pulled her closer for a snuggle. “Come here, my little baby!”
Louder cries erupted. I hugged her closer to baby her and soothe her misery. “What’s wrong baby? Mommy’s has her little baby…What’s wrong?”
More sobs and inaudible words told me she had something to say. I settled her by asking her what she wanted to say and what was bothering her.
“But I’m NOT your baby!” she wailed.
“Course you are. You ARE my baby!”
Cutiepie looked me straight in the eye and said, “But mommy, you’re too old to have a baby!”
It’s time I work on a new tactic to get DH’s attention.